Love Languages and Some Things I've Learned as Wife/Mom

Here's some of what I've learned...

1. The bible tells us in Titus 2 that we are to love our husbands and children....and that the older women are to teach the younger ones how to do that. Wow! Nobody ever taught me HOW to do that....until I found that "love languages" book....It has made a HUGE difference in our lives.....BUT....it was a slow process...and an "ongoing one". :)

Gifts
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Admiration and Praise

We must try to implement them all.....and first and most importantly with our husbands! :)

Anyway...Just want to share something here....the "gifts" thing doesn't have to involve money. I never had much...but I'm realizing now that just making a little card....hiding little "love notes", making treasure hunts with something very simple and inexpensive can still serve to help that child feel loved. Sometimes you can find little inexpensive things at garage sales....or make them a special treat....or I've done some cross-stitch plaques for them....You can even make a drawing if you're good at that sort of thing and put it in an inexpensive garage sale frame....

What are your talents? Try to incorporate them...:)

I felt badly after I started thinking about this "gifts" thing...because I knew my children never got many gifts down through the years...So I wanted to do something special at least for their weddings. I did manage to get a little money, and this is what I gave each of them...

1.I made a cross-stitch plaque with their names and wedding date, etc. and flower wreath surrounding it...put in a shadow box

2. I composed a song on the piano and played and sang for them at a special "family dinner"...and recorded the song for them as well.

3.I made a flower bouquet for them.

4.I made a special cake for them.

5.I did buy one gift....a I Cor. 13 "love plaque" that my friend designed with calligraphy.

Now I know that all those things DO cost a little money (except for the song).....but I wanted to give them these keepsake gifts as a "once in a lifetime" thing...Our gifts were "inexpensive" compared to what most parents give....

But you know, one of my daughters said that when she got to her new home and unpacked these gifts I gave her that she cried...and realized that my gifts were the best gifts of all. :)

Wow! When she said that, I was so happy.....I know she has had to do so much "without". You know what she says now? She says her upbringing was so hard...financially speaking....but that she realizes that it was the BEST thing for her.She is wise beyond her years...and is even willing to live in a small place now....or to "make do" with whatever God provides.

She has had to learn how to share. Once we had all 5 girls in one room. It was difficult indeed, especially since she was in her 20's and her little sisters were getting into her things. But she endured the trial, by God's grace, and is stronger because of it.

Anyway....I guess I got sidetracked there... Sorry.

Just want to encourage you to think of little things that you can GIVE that don't cost a thing....

But ALL of the "love languages" are important...

Do you know what your husband's love language(s) is? Find out and WORK ON THAT ONE THE MOST :) Which "language(s)" makes him feel most loved? Ask him. If you learn to "speak his language", I think it will transform your marriage!

Winning HIS HEART and "keeping it" is the most important thing you can do! :)

Oh...btw, leave the finances to him. Encourage, but don't worry. It's HIS responsibility, not yours. Just be willing to live without if need be. And by all means, encourage him often and tell him how thankful you are that he is working hard to provide! :)

O.K. Let me tell my story. :)

When I finally learned that my husband's love languages were "admiration/praise" and "physical touch"....and I started "loving" him in those ways.... He started loving me more....with "MY love language" which is "quality time". :)

I try to remember to praise him/ thank him/ admire him about at least one thing each day...and I tickle his arms and back every night. He's addicted to "tickles".... :)

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2. Advice for chronically ill and/or "negative" moms that are struggling.. It is hard....VERY hard to be patient, to be positive...especially when you feel so horrible all the time. I KNOW. But I'm learning (at least I hope I am) to not complain as much....to just patiently move slowly if necessary...to not expect too much of myself or them.....not to raise my voice....and most importantly to be POSITIVE.

I think I've learned that "difficult children" need more POSITIVE DISCIPLINE than "negative discipline"....

I think these children do better with LOTS OF PRAISE......and believing/ trusting in them...

If they get angry, and you must discipline, give them time to "cool down" first..... If you discipline them when you are angry, it will NOT work...Genuine tears help, too....Children are often "moved" by seeing that you really are "hurt" that they are disobeying....if you do have their hearts, at least... (Work on getting their hearts with the love languages.)

Spend time with them....playing with them/talking with them...

Children need LOTS OF PRAISE....(So do husbands!!! :) )

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3. One thing I've learned is that young men need a FATHER.... And they need to know that Mom/Dad STAND TOGETHER. (If you disagree with DH, try to influence him "positively" with the "love languages" and with questions and much prayer, but not with "pushing". Don't try to enforce things that he would not enforce. It won't work.... Instead try to influence the children "positively" with reasoning from scripture, questions, and lots of prayer. :))

I really do believe that when a boy enters puberty, he should no longer be considered a child....but a man....and a mother for the most part should "back out" and let the father deal with the problems with the son. I've found that mothers do the best by influencing through love and praise...and through influencing the father "positively" by reverencing him....and leaving it all in his hands.

There will be times when you must "discipline" when the father isn't home...but the teen son should really be the father's responsibility, and you should only be disciplining according to his directives basically. I think the reason why teen sons conflict with their mothers is because they are trying to gain independence as a MAN..... So the best way to help the male teen is to REVERENCE and LOVE his father...and PRAY. And let the father make the decisions on how to handle him. Many times this goes for teen girls, too...

Encourage your husband to give him/her a broad schedule/plan....and let the child be responsible to follow it...and to be held accountable to their dad. As much as you can, EVERY LITTLE THING THAT THEY DO RIGHT, praise them for it! :) You may find that they will begin to start doing better....

When the children do the dishes without being told, highly praise them. When they get their schoolwork done on time, highly praise them. There is so much training that can be done..simply with genuine praise.... :)

"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul; and health to the bones."

Children need to know that their parents stand together. If you don't have your husband's heart, I'll give you some hope on that....It is sometimes hard to get and KEEP your husband's heart, especially if you are ill...but God is bigger than the trial and can help you get his heart back with the "5 love languages". :)

Most importantly... God must be first....and if you spend time getting a "word" from God each day...in meditation and prayer....He will give you the hope to keep going!

The PSALMS are a wonderful place to start...

Ps. 57....God be merciful unto me..until these calamities be overpast.