"The aged women...that they may be teachers of good things. That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. "
This passage challenges me, as I am classified as an older woman, I guess. :) I know I must obey, but I feel so unqualified to say much. I have made so many mistakes, and I'm still in "process" with raising the last two of my seven "babies" who are teens.
I'll share what the Lord lays on my heart as we go along, but I want to just give some definitions here and also challenge you to closely study I Cor. 13 in connection with loving your husband and children. Looking up key words in the Strong's concordance is a good place to start. :)
Here's just a few.....
Discreet- "safe (sound) in mind, i.e. self-controlled (moderate as to opinion or passion): discreet, sober, temperate.
Chaste- "Clean, i.e. (fig) innocent, modest, perfect: - chaste, clean, pure.
Keepers at home - "a guard, be "ware" a stayer at home, i.e. domestically inclined (a "good housekeeper")
Thoughts From Prov. 31 and Titus 2
Prov. 31 says a godly woman will open her mouth with wisdom. And what does that imply? That she has been in the Word of God,yes?! :)
Titus 2 also says that the older women are to be teachers of "good things".
One "good thing" that I can think of is the teaching and importance of "meditating on the Word day and night"...for therein will we find strength to live a godly life. Ps. 1:2
It also says the older women are to teach the younger women to be sober. What does it mean to be sober? It means according to the Strong's concordance - " to make of sound mind". And how do we get a "sound mind"? By being in the Word a lot, right? By being "transformed by the renewing of your mind"...through the Word of God.
How God delights to know that his children are meditating in His Word...
I think God delights to see the sisters having "spiritual discussion" and sharing His Word, too....for that is how we grow spiritually and encourage one another. :)
Learning how to love our husbands and children and learning how to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to our husbands is important. But perhaps the first thing on the list....learning to be sober...and in the Word of God...is the thing we need to put first. For how can we learn the rest if we aren't sitting at the feet of Jesus and "listening" and being strengthened by Him through His Word?
Love Languages and Some Things I've Learned as Wife/Mom
Here's some of what I've learned...
1. The bible tells us in Titus 2 that we are to love our husbands and children....and that the older women are to teach the younger ones how to do that. Wow! Nobody ever taught me HOW to do that....until I found that "love languages" book....It has made a HUGE difference in our lives.....BUT....it was a slow process...and an "ongoing one". :)
Gifts
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Admiration and Praise
We must try to implement them all.....and first and most importantly with our husbands! :)
Anyway...Just want to share something here....the "gifts" thing doesn't have to involve money. I never had much...but I'm realizing now that just making a little card....hiding little "love notes", making treasure hunts with something very simple and inexpensive can still serve to help that child feel loved. Sometimes you can find little inexpensive things at garage sales....or make them a special treat....or I've done some cross-stitch plaques for them....You can even make a drawing if you're good at that sort of thing and put it in an inexpensive garage sale frame....
What are your talents? Try to incorporate them...:)
I felt badly after I started thinking about this "gifts" thing...because I knew my children never got many gifts down through the years...So I wanted to do something special at least for their weddings. I did manage to get a little money, and this is what I gave each of them...
1.I made a cross-stitch plaque with their names and wedding date, etc. and flower wreath surrounding it...put in a shadow box
2. I composed a song on the piano and played and sang for them at a special "family dinner"...and recorded the song for them as well.
3.I made a flower bouquet for them.
4.I made a special cake for them.
5.I did buy one gift....a I Cor. 13 "love plaque" that my friend designed with calligraphy.
Now I know that all those things DO cost a little money (except for the song).....but I wanted to give them these keepsake gifts as a "once in a lifetime" thing...Our gifts were "inexpensive" compared to what most parents give....
But you know, one of my daughters said that when she got to her new home and unpacked these gifts I gave her that she cried...and realized that my gifts were the best gifts of all. :)
Wow! When she said that, I was so happy.....I know she has had to do so much "without". You know what she says now? She says her upbringing was so hard...financially speaking....but that she realizes that it was the BEST thing for her.She is wise beyond her years...and is even willing to live in a small place now....or to "make do" with whatever God provides.
She has had to learn how to share. Once we had all 5 girls in one room. It was difficult indeed, especially since she was in her 20's and her little sisters were getting into her things. But she endured the trial, by God's grace, and is stronger because of it.
Anyway....I guess I got sidetracked there... Sorry.
Just want to encourage you to think of little things that you can GIVE that don't cost a thing....
But ALL of the "love languages" are important...
Do you know what your husband's love language(s) is? Find out and WORK ON THAT ONE THE MOST :) Which "language(s)" makes him feel most loved? Ask him. If you learn to "speak his language", I think it will transform your marriage!
Winning HIS HEART and "keeping it" is the most important thing you can do! :)
Oh...btw, leave the finances to him. Encourage, but don't worry. It's HIS responsibility, not yours. Just be willing to live without if need be. And by all means, encourage him often and tell him how thankful you are that he is working hard to provide! :)
O.K. Let me tell my story. :)
When I finally learned that my husband's love languages were "admiration/praise" and "physical touch"....and I started "loving" him in those ways.... He started loving me more....with "MY love language" which is "quality time". :)
I try to remember to praise him/ thank him/ admire him about at least one thing each day...and I tickle his arms and back every night. He's addicted to "tickles".... :)
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2. Advice for chronically ill and/or "negative" moms that are struggling.. It is hard....VERY hard to be patient, to be positive...especially when you feel so horrible all the time. I KNOW. But I'm learning (at least I hope I am) to not complain as much....to just patiently move slowly if necessary...to not expect too much of myself or them.....not to raise my voice....and most importantly to be POSITIVE.
I think I've learned that "difficult children" need more POSITIVE DISCIPLINE than "negative discipline"....
I think these children do better with LOTS OF PRAISE......and believing/ trusting in them...
If they get angry, and you must discipline, give them time to "cool down" first..... If you discipline them when you are angry, it will NOT work...Genuine tears help, too....Children are often "moved" by seeing that you really are "hurt" that they are disobeying....if you do have their hearts, at least... (Work on getting their hearts with the love languages.)
Spend time with them....playing with them/talking with them...
Children need LOTS OF PRAISE....(So do husbands!!! :) )
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3. One thing I've learned is that young men need a FATHER.... And they need to know that Mom/Dad STAND TOGETHER. (If you disagree with DH, try to influence him "positively" with the "love languages" and with questions and much prayer, but not with "pushing". Don't try to enforce things that he would not enforce. It won't work.... Instead try to influence the children "positively" with reasoning from scripture, questions, and lots of prayer. :))
I really do believe that when a boy enters puberty, he should no longer be considered a child....but a man....and a mother for the most part should "back out" and let the father deal with the problems with the son. I've found that mothers do the best by influencing through love and praise...and through influencing the father "positively" by reverencing him....and leaving it all in his hands.
There will be times when you must "discipline" when the father isn't home...but the teen son should really be the father's responsibility, and you should only be disciplining according to his directives basically. I think the reason why teen sons conflict with their mothers is because they are trying to gain independence as a MAN..... So the best way to help the male teen is to REVERENCE and LOVE his father...and PRAY. And let the father make the decisions on how to handle him. Many times this goes for teen girls, too...
Encourage your husband to give him/her a broad schedule/plan....and let the child be responsible to follow it...and to be held accountable to their dad. As much as you can, EVERY LITTLE THING THAT THEY DO RIGHT, praise them for it! :) You may find that they will begin to start doing better....
When the children do the dishes without being told, highly praise them. When they get their schoolwork done on time, highly praise them. There is so much training that can be done..simply with genuine praise.... :)
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul; and health to the bones."
Children need to know that their parents stand together. If you don't have your husband's heart, I'll give you some hope on that....It is sometimes hard to get and KEEP your husband's heart, especially if you are ill...but God is bigger than the trial and can help you get his heart back with the "5 love languages". :)
Most importantly... God must be first....and if you spend time getting a "word" from God each day...in meditation and prayer....He will give you the hope to keep going!
The PSALMS are a wonderful place to start...
Ps. 57....God be merciful unto me..until these calamities be overpast.
Psalm 84...the Prayer of a Mother
I was reading Psalm 84 for devotions to the girls, I got to about verse 3, and then I just started crying...and cried the whole way through....
This Psalm is my prayer....the cry of a mother's heart....
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"How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts! My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the LORD:
(Yes, I miss going to church and meeting with God's people so much!)
My heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.
(He is my only hope, my only help! I have no resources/answers, but HE is my HOPE! :)
Yea, the sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a NEST FOR HERSELF, WHERE SHE MAY LAY HER YOUNG, EVEN THINE ALTARS, O LORD of hosts, my King , and my God.
(Longing for a godly place for my children....)
Blessed are they that dwell in thy house: they will be still praising thee. Selah. Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them. Who passing through the VALLEY OF BACA (where I'm at right now)make it a well;
(I want to make this "valley of Baca" a well, a place of refreshing and sweetness in the midst of loneliness and sorrow.)
The rain also filleth the pools.
They go from strength to strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God.
(What a promise...especially right now when I feel so utterly powerless and weak. Surely God will help, and here is my cry:)
O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer: give ear, O God of Jacob. Selah. Behold, O God our shield, and look upon the face of thine anointed. For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
(Yes, amen! I'd rather be a "doorkeeper" and do what God wants me to do, even if everybody thinks I'm crazy...even if I'm "all alone"...than to go in the paths of wickedness.)
For the LORD GOD is a sun and SHIELD:
(He will give LIGHT and wisdom...even if there seem to be no answers. He will protect me and mine....AMEN!)
No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
(Thank-you, Lord, for this promise!)
O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee.
Thoughts on Humility
Micah 6:8...."to WALK humbly with thy God."
It's not a one time thing....it's a lifelong process....learning to walk humbly...
And being humble is something that will have a "good" effect on our children. :)
"When man exalts himself before God, God immediately goes about to humble man. When man humbles himself before God, God accepts him. We as humans have the same reaction to those we perceive to be proud, we immediately seek to discredit them. Those we perceive to be humble we will listen to and accept....So what is the main characteristic of a true spiritual leader? (It is one who serves but not just serves. He must serve with humility. Without this characteristic, it is less likely that anyone will be eager to follow him....") -B.C.
This is oh so true for mothers, too..:)
Watching what we say....and bridling our tongue (James 3) is a sign of humility. Patiently asking questions is often a much better way than trying to shove truth into someone....yes, even children/teens. :)
Prov. 18:12 "Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour is humility."
Prov. 11:2 "When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom."
Prov. 29:23..."A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit."
Prov. 22:4 "By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honour, and life."
It's true...pride is the cause of our shame....
And if we don't learn to be humble, God will keep on bringing us into situations to teach us this....
And if we want things to start going RIGHT, the best place to start is by being humble with our husband and children.... :)
Tips on Raising Children
A very important ingredient to raising healthy kids is to have a mommy and daddy that really LOVE one another and show it.
Someone asked about "signs and symptoms" of children that might have problems later. One that finds it difficult to obey or to control his temper is at risk. You need to work at these things when they are young. Being more positive than negative in your discipline is important.
Negativism is harmful to children...This is a mistake I've made...and I'm trying to work on really being positive now.
One of my children was always in "trouble"...and it was a vicious cycle we never were able to break out of. Unfortunately I learned too late about the "love languages" and the need to be more positive.....
But I'm so thankful "God works everything for good to those who love God..."
Also, IMO, it is VERY important as the kids enter the teen years especially to find godly influences for the children...and try not to allow close, ungodly influences to ever enter their lives....This is especially true for kids who tend to be "followers" instead of leaders.
I am trying to teach my younger ones now whenever they ARE around someone that I'm concerned might be a negative influence in any way.....to tell them to remember to be a POSITIVE INFLUENCE FOR GOOD!
One thing that I feel is important is to watch/listen carefully whenever there are other kids around that might have negative influence...and then talk, talk, talk to your children about things later...but also emphasize that all are sinners and just because "we believe it is right to do such and such") doesn't mean that we are "better" than anyone else.
Also, most important, IMO, is to never allow the internet to "get out of hand". Watch over it closely...or don't have it at all. Put SafeEyes or something else like it on the computer to block all the bad stuff...and don't allow the kids to have "private email".
What could I have done differently? I should have loved/reverenced and appreciated my husband more....
Hope some of this helps...
On Raising Teens
There are a few families I know that have "homechurched" alone successfully, but the only ones who've been able to do this successfully that I can think of are the ones that have very strong father-led families and/or those who have kids that are not super in need of "social outlets"...
I think the ideal situation is a "homechurch" with several or more families where there are other teens with "like values".
From all that I've observed and heard, the most important ingredient in raising kids that turn out right is to have a father who is truly right with God....and a true servant/leader of his family, especially in spiritual things....Also one who truly has his children's hearts and open communication with them. This is why praying for our husbands is SO IMPORTANT!
From my experience, kids will usually follow their dads....especially as they enter the teen years. Dad's influence is paramount! So from my experience, the most important thing moms can do is to be submissive to their husbands and to reverence them and praise them whenever they do lead and do the right thing. Having open communication with the kids, not being fearful, influencing DH with genuine praise to lead and make the "right decisions" for the kids....and praying, praying, praying...are the things Mom should do for teens.
Here's my "two cents" worth about the right church for the kids.... IMO, kids need to be in a church where most or all of the people are upholding/living the standards and basic doctrines that you want to teach. They need other adults who will re-enforce the parent's teachings...and they need other youth who are spiritually strong to "lift them up" and not "drag them down". Unfortunately there aren't many churches like this. At least I don't know of ANY that really are what we have needed....
I don't have all the answers... But God is BIG. Praise His Name!
Words I once wrote on Ps. 131:1
"Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child."
I have experienced this Psalm many times before....and would like to experience it yet again today...
There are several "inner struggles" I'm having at the moment....
One of which is resigning myself to living HERE. I REALLY want to move to the country!!!
Yet my DH now has basically said "no". There really is no other reasonable decision for our situation. We couldn't even rent for this price.....I know he is right, yet I still want the country SO MUCH!
So I guess I need to "behave and quiet" myself"...as a child weaned of his mother.
Have you experienced this verse?
Paul had a "Mother's Heart" ?
"For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, back bitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults: And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall BEWAIL many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed." II Cor. 12:21
Paul really had a father's heart....or maybe a "mother's heart"????
I find it interesting here that he "feared" for his "kids". He was PROTECTIVE...watching out for their spiritual well-being.
He says if he finds them in sin that he will BEWAIL. This word means "to grieve".
Another verse that shows this is II Cor. 2:4...
"For out of much affliction and ANGUISH OF HEART I wrote unto you with many TEARS; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the LOVE WHICH I HAVE MORE ABUNDANTLY UNTO YOU."
TEARS...in front of children....tends to soften their hearts...usually. And it is right to let your children know you are crying and praying for them. Paul did.
Removing Mountains
"...For verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place, and it shall remove: and nothing shall be impossible unto you." Mt. 17:20
Family "problems/needs"...mountains....
Can and have been removed by faith...
Praise the LORD!
Old Meditation...and Answers to Prayer!
As I read this OLD meditation, I'm praising God for his answers to prayer in bringing my daughters husbands...God DOES do the "miraculous". :)
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My verse for today was Eph. 3:20.
"Now unto him that is ABLE to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, ACCORDING to the POWER that worketh in us."
Have you ever meditated on this verse?
God is SO ABLE to do far above our expectations or dreams! This is so encouraging to me today because I don't see ANY real possible candidates for husbands for my dear
daughters....and they are so nearing the age where all the godly guys older then they are are already taken. For years we haven't been in circles where there have been many guys their age at all. Anyway, I was crying out to God in the night last night about this. So this verse this morning was such an encouragement to me! :)
Have you ever meditated on those last words, "ACCORDING to the POWER that worketh in us"? What exactly does that mean? There is a similar verse in Eph. 1:19. The power in us, if we are saved, is the same POWER that raised Christ from the dead. That is MIGHTY POWER! That is the kind of POWER that does the miraculous!
Well, we certainly need a "miracle" here concerning this "marriage thing"! :)
Another OLD Meditation I wrote from Eph. 4:1-3
Here's another OLD MEDITATION...Sometimes "homeschooling" is like a long mountain hike....but you do get there eventually. At least 5 of mine have made the "hike" to the top. :)
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"I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the
vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of
the Spirit in the bond of peace."
Wow! This is a wonderful scripture to meditate on and apply to our lives today!
How can you apply it to YOUR life and in your situation today?
My vocation is wife and homeschooling mom, and I guess many of you could say the same. :) I am to walk "worthy" of this vocation, and what all does that imply?
Right now I am facing a child that "hates" school. What a trial it is to have a
strained relationship because of this! Yet I am called to be l-o-n-g-s-u-f-f-e-r-i-n-g and forbearing....with LOVE. I need much grace for this, and I pray for some real "breakthroughs" for us....especially that reading and writing wouldn't be so tedious....
I'd like to hear how ya'll apply this verse to your life today...
And would anyone like to share on these "key words"...
Lowliness
Meekness
Longsuffering
Forbearance
"Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace!"
Wow! This really is the duty of a mom, isn't it?
Do you Have a Visionary Husband?
I've really been meditating recently on the first part of I Pet. 3, especially verse 6.
"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do
well, and are NOT AFRAID with any AMAZEMENT."
The part that really jumps out at me are the words "are NOT AFRAID with any
AMAZEMENT."
The word "amazement" means, "ALARM".
I want to be more like Sarah - reverencing my husband...thinking his ideas are grand..... trusting his judgments WITHOUT FEAR... (v.1)...having a meek and quiet spirit.(v.4)
With a"Mr. Visionary" as a husband, I often find myself ALARMED, though, and I am convicted with this verse. Why does my heart often rise in "alarm"? I know it's because of the past, but I must not let fear take hold.
I am NOT to be ALARMED!
"Oh, Lord, calm my anxious heart."
Surely God knows what He is doing! He is in control of this "roller coaster ride"! :) I must remember this! Amen!
Highlights of "Fascinating Womanhood"
I've been blessed by the book, "Fascinating Womanhood"! It's not specifically "Christian", and there are some things I would disagree with (One thing is her thoughts on intimacy which are not according to the first few verses of I Cor. 7.), but the book has helped me so much. I "Take the meat, and spit out the bones."This book emphasizes:
1.Accepting him
2.Appreciating him
3.Admiring him...especially his masculine qualities
4.Make him number one
This book helps a woman to truly become a woman that a man will love. These are the things he delights in:
1.One who understands men
2.One who has inner happiness
3.One who has a worthy character
4.One who is domestic
5.One who is feminine
6.One who radiates happiness
7.One who has radiant health
8.One who is childlike
More Helpful Thoughts on I Pet. 3
I was thinking back over the I Pet. 3 passage and was meditating on the "meek and QUIET SPIRIT"....Guess that would be one that is not troubled or disturbed or fearful. I guess a "quiet spirit" is one in which DH's decisions will not "alarm"...:) A "quiet spirit" is one that stays at rest and in "peace" no matter what DH decides.....
I guess "subjection" to DH means totally "letting go" of what I want for the children and letting him decide what's best for them in all areas....just asking him what he wants for them rather than trying to convince him what I THINK is best for them, although all the while praying for their protection and what is best.
Recently a friend sent me this advice:
"Pray that the Lord will show (your DH) a new wife... Ask the Lord to change you so much that(he) is shocked and excited! Let the Spirit show him a different wife...(One that is trusting and not afraid.) "(Then) you won't be getting in the way, between (him) and the Holy Spirit."
Also she said....
"... total dependency and trust are what will build your husband up so that he will go the right direction and make the right choices... your pushing or 'encouraging' won't do it. And is your DH reacting to your fear?..."
She continued....
I wasn't fearful... but I know that when I used to try to get my DH to do something or stop doing something, he would react to me and go the way I DIDN'T want him to go, just
because it was what I didn't want! And I don't think he was intentionally making that
choice... it was just what he did.
Something else, there were many times that I talked with my DH and he agreed with me. We either went about doing what I had talked about or saying that we believed something I had talked with him about ... but then I found out later that he didn't really agree with me.. he just said it because he sort of agreed.. and it wasn't like my thing was wrong, but he didn't really want to do it or didn't feel ready to do it... and so he wouldn't follow through with it, which would mess everything up... but it was only because I tried to get him to go a certain way."
Helpful words, yes?
I guess we need to let our husbands make the decisions without giving much of our input unless we do it with "questions" or a "take it or leave it" way....to totally let them drive on these "wild rides" :) (knowing that God's hands are really on the wheel, even if they let go.) Whew! Sure glad to know that, aren't you?! Amen!
For Zion's Sake
For a long time now I have felt a burning desire to see the holiness of the church
...and especially my little "zion", my children! Here are some of my verses:
"For Zion's sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem's sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth." Is. 62:1
"I have set watchmen upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day nor night: ye that make mention of the LORD, keep not silence. And give him no rest, till he establish, and till he make Jerusalem a praise in the earth." Is. 62:6-7
"Go through, go through the gates; prepare ye the way of the people;cast up, cast up the highway; gather out the stones; lift up a standard for the people."
"Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay." Jer. 20:9
Do you see how I relate these to my family, my little "zion", my little
"Jerusalem"....my "little flower garden"?
I do want them to be "strong olive plants around my table"! Ps. 128
By God's grace I will pray and pray and keep praying till he make "Jerusalem a praise in the earth". :)
Respecting DH
I read a book on submission one time. She said she learned submission in two stages. First, she learned to keep her mouth closed and say nothing ....instead of "bucking" him. Then when she learned how to do that, she learned how to say just one word, "Sure!"
Well, in the past I thought a lot about that verse that says wives are to reverence their husbands. Eph.5:33 She says, "God isn't telling us to FEEL respect, but to SHOW respect, to act with respect. She says a good question to ask is, "Am I treating my husband as I would treat Christ Himself?" That was very helpful to me...
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